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Vellicatrix Maximus

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"What if I told you that everything you had ever known to be true was a huge, steaming nugget of shit?  You think I'm full of it?  It's okay, I wouldn't believe me either.  I would find my own security blanket much too cozy to let somebody else take it away."

"Do you think flattery will make me go easier on you?"

"I eat self-inserts like you for breakfast!"

How 'bout that?  Red obviously likes me best 'cause he gave me more character quotes that anybody else. :D

Real Name: Unknown

Current Alias: Vellicatrix Maximus (VM)

Alignment: Evil It's good to be bad. :devilish:

Affiliations: N/A

Base of Operations: No known central headquarters

Gender: Drop dead gorgeous Female

Height: 6'5'' (6'7'' in heeled boots)

Weight: 189 lbs. I'm no string bean.

Eyes: Dark purple

Hair: Black

Bra size: 36F (U.S.) The sweetest of the melons. :D

Shoe size: 15 (U.S.) You can stop touching yourself any time now.

Occupation: Supervillain, kidnapper, pervert

Abilities: As one would expect from a woman of my size and mass, I possess a great deal of strength (physically but not morally).  So strong, in fact, that I can bend steel bars with my teeth and lift fallen tree trunks over my head without being bogged down.  So strong, in fact, that I can ninja a rancher's cattle in the middle of the night and carry it back to the closest hideout without being herd.  See what I did there?  And another thing: don't think for one second that you can outrun me.  Yeah; I'm talking to you, numb-nuts!  I'd give your fat ass a two minute head-start before catching up with you in less than half that time.  On top of that, my agility and gymnastics skills are unparalleled.  Hell, if I wanted to I'd become an Olympic decathlete... but I'd rather not compromise my identity.  Never underestimate my tracking skills; I'm a force of nature.  I can hunt my prey without being seen - even though my outfit suggests otherwise, but I prefer to do my kidnapping at night.  That being said, I can blend into any environment where other humans are present.  If, for some completely bizarre reason, people are trying to hunt me down then I can easily change my outfit to disguise.  They'll be looking for me, but they won't be looking for... not me... You get it; I can hide in plain sight.  Next paragraph.

I'm talking about this now because I am
not ending my list of abilities on a mundane note.  There is no system I can't hack or encryption I can't break.  In enough time, all computers will reveal their secrets to me.  How else can I explain where I got all these military resources?  Weapons, explosives, surveillance, launch codes, the whole nine yards.  All that good stuff at my fingertips and for what purpose?  To pursue my hobby, of course: capturing people and doing whatever I want to their feet.

Now for the really good stuff.  I have the super-sweet and super-coveted ability to travel through time
and space.  How am I able to accomplish such an impossible feat, you ask?  Like hell I'm gonna tell you ass monkeys my most intimate secrets!  But I can tell you this much about my reality-bending prowess: I use it whenever I please and that's usually when I'm bored with the ball of rock that is this planet.  Now that I know that time travel and the multiverse aren't just crackpot theories invented by a bunch of crazy old bastards, I can seek out new worlds and dimensions to claim as my own.  Mind you, the premium real estate is just a bonus when you look at the infinite opportunities I have to seek pleasure.  You know what I'm talking about.  Besides, it's not like anyone cares if I broke the space-time continuum on a regular basis.  But if there's one thing I love most about myself, which is never easy considering who I am, it would be my ability to break the fourth wall.  "Duh, what fourth wall?"  The one that's separating me from you, dumbass.  How the hell do you go through life, anyway?  Ugh.

Did I mention I can see in four dimensions?  Of course I didn't; it wasn't written yet. In any case, I can tap into my 4D vision whenever I wish and let me tell you: with such an amazing gift, who needs acid?  Hell, I'm looking at you in 4D right now!  You were already funny-looking to begin with, but damn!


Personality: Obviously, you should know by now that I'm a very kind and big-hearted woman with plenty of love to share.  Pay no attention to those other things I've said before.  Yeah, I can give people the impression that I'm an egotistical jerk but the truth is I'm a lot more modest than my detractors give me credit for, you know?  And what's wrong with me engaging in my fetishes now and then?  I can engage in prolonged foot-worship and still remain chaste.  And another thing - how the hell am I not friendly?  Just because someone else says a thing I don't like or vice versa doesn't make me "antisocial".  The same goes for the people who keep calling me vulgar.  Why do they keep saying vulgar?!  I'm the most polite and most cultured individual ever to -

What the fuck is that ass goblin doing?  Stop putting bold HTML tags on my personality traits, ya fuzzy red twat!  Nobody finds your shitty attempt at humour the least bit funny.  Now cut that shit out and let me finish.  Fuck.

Anyway, ask any of my former cap - er, playmates; they can vouch for me.  They'll even tell you when it comes to tickling, I'm rather gentle with my playmates and merciful to my enemies.  They need only look at my soft and calm expression to know I will treat them well.  If, by some bizarre circumstances, you meet that jerk who calls himself Jerry, don't take him seriously.  I am not psychotic and unpredictable; I am 130% stable!  Anyone with eyes can see -

Okay, seriously Red; knock that shit off before I go over there and kick your ass right out of your mouth!  Do you understand me?!  I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!  Now fuck off!

Let's wrap this up before I really lose it.  I'm not all talk, you know.  I'm always one step ahead of my opponent and my "guests" and in the unlikely event of me being taken prisoner, I always have an ace up my sleeve.  And no matter what the odds, I never back down from a fight.  Cheating helps too.  There.  I think that should do it.  I'm going to need a drink after this.


History: Ah, yes.  This is where I'm supposed to tell you how I, Vellicatrix Maximus, came to be.  I could tell you who I am or what I am, but where's the fun in that?  I think it's better to take the choose-your-own-adventure book principles and apply it to the real world, especially in a world where "truth" is a relative concept.  To plagiarise the Joker, "If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!"

Does my answer satisfy you?  Too bad.


Likes: Me, feet, tickle torture, money, anchovies (but I eat just about anything), feet, privacy, time/interdimensional travel, sharp-shooting and laughter (I think you know what I mean).  Did I mention feet?

Dislikes: You, non-ticklish people, buzzkills, cops, non-alcoholic booze, people I don't want finding my hideouts finding my hideouts, having to bury my hideouts (seriously, I hate having to do that).


I think that does it for me.  Good-bye and get out.
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Well, there you have it.  This is the first time I have allowed an OC to write their own character information.  It's also going to be the last. :unimpressed:

Kiss my ass.

Vellicatrix Maximus © RedVelvetPotatoes (me)
Character base © tektek.org(defunct)/Gaia Online
Image size
120x167px 5.25 KB
© 2015 - 2024 RedVelvetPotatoes
Comments10
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Mastercree1's avatar
She doesn't mention her own weaknesses....interesting.:)